


The E's aren't Silent: An Eleos Jalanis Story

by RadiantFinality



Category: Silent Trilogy - Sues Cummings
Genre: Gen, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18484927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadiantFinality/pseuds/RadiantFinality
Summary: Eleos Jalanis, brother of Arez Smythe, and the the world's most unlikely hero, has been deputised to save the Earth from an impending disaster! But, will he be able to? Will he care? How can drugs save the day? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VenusGuided](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusGuided/gifts).



Eleos was sitting in his apartment, chilling in his crib in New York (the city or the state, it doesn’t matter, they’re probably in the same place), enjoying truly the most high class of weed that had ever been enjoyed by a gentleman such as himself. Little did he know that on the horizon, beyond the dawn, a threat was brewing. A threat that threatened the worlds of the Dainisa and human alike. It was a threat that was, through a strange twist of fate, something that only Eleos could possibly solve.

So yeah, the world’s probably fucked. 

At this very moment, our world-savior to be was reclining, listening to some of his brother’s music through a pair of far-too-expensive headphones. Arez had banned him from buying Beats and listening to his music through them, complaining about something to do with bass quality or some-such. Eleos didn’t really understand, but he was proud of his beloved little brother and didn’t want to upset him by listening to his music wrong.

Eleos rose from his leather beanbag chair and walked to the fridge. It was a munchies kind of night, he mused, and he reached for a brownie that would fill the craving in his stomach. Little did he know, the brownie would also fill a craving in his soul, as it was a weed brownie he’d made immediately before getting high and had forgotten about. Ultimately, he would be fine with this, but as anyone who knows anything about weed knows, eating weed brownies leads to eating more weed brownies, and before you know it, you’re so high that you forget where your knees are. 

Had Eleos been sober, he would have rationalised it as thus: If he ate all these weed brownies now, that would mean that no guest could come over and accidentally eat them. It was his civil duty to eat all these brownies here and now, so that nobody could hurt themselves with them. Eleos, high as fuck, however, needed no such justification, and plated up his brownie (which was made in one of those novelty brownie trays where all the pieces are edge pieces) with half a pint of icecream. 

As he sat down in his second, more luxurious leather beanbag chair (by which we mean the one that was drycleaned most recently), it struck Eleos that he didn’t know how much half a pint actually was. He had just scooped some icecream onto a plate and hoped that it was half a pint, because that’s how much you usually eat when you eat icecream, right?

As he went to take a bite, a hand slapped his, knocking the brownie back onto the plate.  
“Oh, of course, it’s rude to eat with your fingers. I should get a spoon.”

He stood up, not yet noticing the person standing in his apartment. Finding a spoon, he prepared to dig in at the kitchen counter, when the spoon was knocked out of his hand again. He looked up, for the first time realising a strangely dressed person was standing in his room, talking to him. But for some reason he couldn’t hear a word the person was saying.

Eleos began to panic. Had he smoked so much weed he’d gone deaf? The legends were true, he though, as the person in front of him continued to speak at him, their mouth sounding out words that went completely unheeded. Eleos was utterly heartbroken as the reality sank in. He was deaf. He’d never be able to listen to his brother’s music again. He’d have to read subtitles on infowars videos. He’d have to find a dealer who understood sign language. 

As the tears welled up in his eyes, he thought about how at least the last thing he’d been listening to was the music of his beloved brother Arez, and that it was almost like he could still hear the music echoing in his now deaf ears.

It was at this point that the figure rapidly approached Eleos and yanked the headphones off his head. THe world bloomed into a celebration of sound, and the primary sound was the figure yelling at Eleos for being a “high as fuck moron”.

“Oh my god, I can hear! I’m not deaf! You’ve healed me!”

The person in front of him pinched her brow, closed her eyes, and exhaled. For the first time, Eleos noticed she had wings.

“Eleos Jalanis, I am here with a message for you.”

“A massage?”

“A Message, you fuck!”

“Oh! I get it. You’re one of Are’s backup dancers! What does the little tyke need? His big bro-” He pulled himself up to his full height at this, “has always got his back!”

“... What? No. Shut up. This is already a mistake. Listen. Eleos, you’ve been chosen to save the world. I know this is going to be a shock, and you have no reason to believe me, but please, do not be afraid, for I am an Angel of the Lord.”

At this, the figure outstretched her wings, being very careful to not knock over the surprisingly full pringles can on the bench beside her. She stood, watching Eleos’s face, looking for the telltale signs of Mortal Awe and Panic that usually happened when she did this.

“I notice you don’t seem to be afraid.”

Eleos stroked his chin thoughtfully.

“Well, I mean, you did tell me to not be afraid. Also I totally know what’s going on, and I’ve gotta say, I honestly don’t remember when I took mushrooms but this time it’s much better. Last time it was like, weird colours? But this must be that vision quest thing people always talk about! What kind of quest am I going on?”

The angel stared for a solid second, then pinched her brow again.

“Eleos, listen. You’re not high. This is real.”

“Ahem, I know for a fact that I’m high as balls,” Eleos countered, showing her the already-smoked blunt, as well as the not-yet-smoked blunt he had tucked behind his ear.

“Weed-high is not Mushrooms-high!”

“Uh, am I to expect that a real angel knows anything about drugs? Checkmate, atheists. Wait, uh, checkmate… theists?” Eleos turned to ponder this, a hand on his chin. So deep in thought was he that he didn’t notice the angel winding back her arm, her fist clenched.

The next thing Eleos knew, he was sprawled on the floor, his nose aching like he’d just been hit with a baseball bat. This pain was elevated by the fact that, to the best of his knowledge, he was no longer high. 

“Whoa, did I pass out or something?” he said, picking himself up and straightening his custom leather jacket. He’d passed out from several drugs before but never felt this good the morning after. It was like he’d just dreamed vividly about getting high and meeting an angel instead of actually getting high. In fact, aside from the pain, he felt great! His sinuses were clear, his teeth felt clean, his liver felt more functional than it had in years…

“Huh. Okay, might’ve cured you of poison a little too much,” came a familiar voice from nearby. 

Eleos turned and saw the angel from his dream standing in his kitchen, rubbing her knuckles. 

“Wait, didn’t I dream you?” Eleos said, his brain rebooting.

“I don’t have time to waste waiting for you to sober up so I used a divine blessing to cure you of all the poisons in your body. Think of it as a holy liver cleanse. Anyway, you’re sober now and I need you to listen. I’m an angel of the lord and you’ve been prophesied to be the one to save the Earth from a great disaster. Now put down the damn weed brownies and come with me, we’ve got a lot of things to explain.”  
Eleos had been slowly raising a slice of the brownies to his mouth the whole time he’d been listening to her. He looked from the angel to the brownie and back again, then slowly lowered it back down to the plate of icecream it had been sitting on. 

“Okay, assuming I do believe you, which I don’t, why should I do anything you say? Like, you could just be a bad guy pretending to be a good guy! Plus, am I supposed to believe that angels actually exist and interfere in mortal affairs like this? I mean come on, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I only believe in solid facts.”

The angel looked at Eleos, then across to the framed, autographed picture of Alex Jones that was on Eleos’s wall. She turned back to Eleos and without looking, fired a beam of light at the offensive grimace, incinerating it instantly.

Eleos was unnerved but regained his composure quickly. 

“So what? Any dainisa could do that. Well, not any dainisa, but some of them. Probably not a huge number of them could do it that well, either. But the point stands! You could just be a dainisa trying to kidnap me, an influential and important member of the jyju,” he said, puffing out his chest.

“Eleos, you live in a world where magic exists! You yourself possess magic! Is it so much of a stretch to imagine that angels and god exist?”

Eleos had to admit, she had a point. Being part of an ancient society of superpowered people did leave your mind open to a lot of things that the average human might not consider. The years of continuous drug abuse had further enhanced Eleos’s already keen sense of credulity, making him a master of believing in things that had no reasonable possibility of being true.

“Okay, you’ve got me,” he said, offering his hand, “Eleos Jalanis is at your service. Let’s go save the world.”

For the first time, the angel smiled. It wasn’t a warm smile, or even a friendly one, but it was definitely true that the edges of her mouth pulled up at the edges.

“Cassandra. Welcome to the good guy team, Eleos.”


	2. A pointless taxi trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for pointless dialogue!

Ten minutes later, they were bundled into a cheap taxi downtown. Cassandra had requested that Eleos keep a low profile, so he immediately took a selfie for instagram and posted about how he was going to go save the world. Ironically enough, this action would ensure that his cover as a duly deputised agent of the Lord wouldn’t be blown, as given the normal absolute garbage he posted about on social media it just seemed like yet more Jalanis Bullshit. 

Eleos had been fascinated by Cassandra’s ability to hide her wings at will. He’d initially concocted a cunning story to tell the taxi driver that the angel was a cosplayer, but he concluded that the wings would make it hard to keep a low profile, especially as the anime convention was on the other side of town. 

The anime convention really made Eleos rather grumpy to think about. No matter how many cunning disguises he thought of for his beloved brother Arez to wear, he could never convince him to come to an anime convention with him. Eleos sighed. The weight of being a superstar hung heavy on Arez’s shoulders, he knew, and it was clear from Arez’s protestations of “not wanting to be around nerd sweat” and “definitely not wanting to buy yaoi doujins” that he was just making up excuses not to go so as to not disappoint his big brother.

“So, Eleos,” said Cassandra, “What exactly are your abilities?”

“Well, I eat pussy really good. I’ve never had a single complaint about my technique.”

This was an entire true statement, but only on the technicality that he’d never actually been with anyone. Ever.

“I’m also really good at seeing through lies, and I roll the world’s second best blunts, after Snoop Dogg, may god rest his soul.”

Cassandra blinked, stunned for a moment.

“Okay, nimrod, I meant what’s your Dainisa power? Also, Snoop Dogg isn’t dead, and I’m not going to address the first part because I’ll throw up.”

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Eleos said, somehow making his voice a whisper and full of shock and horror. “We don’t say the D-word in front of cabbies!”

The taxi driver, overhearing this, cleared his throat.

“You guys talkin’ about them Dungeons and Dragons? There ain’t no shame in role-playin’, y’know. What edition are y’all playin’?” said the driver, who spent most of his time at his local game store painting miniature figurines and had come to the understanding that all long-haired pasty men who smelled of weed were clearly roleplayers. In this respect he isn’t entirely wrong.

Eleos paused as his brain slowly kicked into gear. As he opened his mouth, Cassandra leaped in with a faltering and cautious “...Third?”, which seemed to appease the driver. He nodded in the rear view mirror and immediately began talking at his two passengers about how his daughter played tabletop games her favourite character was a gnome barbarian of some kind.

Cassandra looked at Eleos, her face set in an expression that seemed to say ‘Are all humans like this?’. Eleos, being wrapped up in his own little world all of the time, instead interpreted it as a look of ‘Wow, how cool is this?’ and immediately a mental connection was formed in his mind that Cassandra really liked tabletop games. This would become intensely relevant to Eleos’s life, but ultimately irrelevant to reality as a whole, much like most of the things that happened inside Eleos’s head.

Eleos sat back and put his hands behind his head, letting his mind drift into the oddly soothing words of the taxi driver, thinking about how delicious the pot brownie he’d snuck into his jacket pocket had been. His brother probably liked roleplaying. He made a mental note about this as well, immediately coming to the conclusion that learning how to play tabletop games would help him get mad pussy as well as bond with his brother. 

“Hot theater girls play these games. And even if like, all of them are gay, there might be a chance that some of them are bi. Which means I’m in with a chance. Plus I can totally find a boyfriend for Arez this way,” he murmured, off in his own mind. It need not be said that Eleos Jalanis is not, in fact, a stand up individual.

Cassandra looked at him, her angel ears unfortunately picking up every detail of his rambling. A look of disgust flitted across her face, because she took a chance to interrupt the narrative of the taxi driver and interject her own story.

“Well! The game we’re playing,” she said as she shot a pointed look at Eleos, “is an urban fantasy story, where a Magical Child is with World Bending Powers is kidnapped and manipulated by an Evil Businessman, and some Unlikely Heroes are Prophecised to save the day.” She winked at Eleos every time she said a word that she emphasised, almost as if she was trying to give Eleos a message hidden in code. Unfortunately, Eleos missed it and was merely confused about the winking.

Normally, winks from a girl meant good things. But Cassandra’s steely gaze terrified Eleos, notwithstanding the fact that she was an incredibly powerful angel of some kind and it would be unlikely that she would flirt with him. There was something unsettling about the way she looked at him, as if he were a particularly badly made Phillips-head screwdriver and her problems were all flat-headed screws. It occurred to him at this stage that he actually didn’t know where the taxi was heading. Cassandra was dictating on a street-by-street basis, while engaging in friendly, if improvised, banter with the taxi driver. 

“Well now, that seems to be a darn fine campaign. Lots of room for roleplayin’ n’ all that. Whatchu all playing in your group?” The taxi driver asked.

“Well, I’m playing a… cleric. And he’s… a wizard, I guess? We don’t fully know the rest of the players yet. But we’ve been told by out prophecy that there will be Three Others,” Cassandra said, hoping that this time something would sink into Eleos’s mind. This was obviously not going to happen any time soon, and at this the taxi driver began to launch into a series of tips and tricks for new players, assuming that neither Cassandra or had played much. 

Ultimately this was a pointless aside, as nothing much was accomplished. Cassandra began to question if this was going to end up being a complete waste of time, while Eleos began to ask himself the most internal questions a man like him could ask.

As the taxi arrived at their stop, and the driver continued to talk about dungeons and dragons while he was being paid, and while he was driving off, ELeos looked at Cassandra.

“Hey, uh, angel.”

“Call me Cassandra. Not Cass. Not Cassie. Cassandra. Or else I’ll heal you again.”

Even in his pot brownie-soaked mind, Eleos realised that this was less a threat and more a simple fact of life.

“Duly noted, Cassandra. So uh, I had a question.”

“Go ahead,” said Cassandra, walking up the steps toward whichever library in New York is largest and most prestigious. Eleos had not yet noticed that they had gone to library, which is why the location had not been described as of yet.

“Do I believe in angels?”

“Wh… what?”

“Like, do I believe in angels? Am I that hokey dainisan religion with the sun, or am I one of those weird christian groups? Hell, what if I’m like, buddhist?”

Cassandra turned on her heel and looked into Eleos’s bloodshot eyes.

“Oh my god are you high again?”

“Hell yeah, bro! Those pot brownies were so nice smelling so I snuck one into my pocket. I’ll have to get this jacket dry cleaned now, though,” he said, pointing at the leather jacket he was holding, rather than the one he was wearing.  
“Wait, why do you have two jackets? And also why would you dry clean a leather jacket? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Eleos looked taken aback.

“You don’t dry clean leather?” he said, the shock percolating through his mind slowly. 

Cassandra pinched her brow, looked around to see if anyone was watching, and slapped Eleos across the face. The effect of the healing touch was immediate, and he sudden realisation of sobriety brought clarity to his life.

“Hey! Watch the merchandise, sister! Physical comedy may be the flavour of the day up in heaven, but down on earth that’s domestic abuse!” he said, rubbing his cheek.

“What? No, it’s assault and battery, you moron. Domestic abuse applies in a domestic circumstance, and the day I have to share a domestic situation with you is the day I assume that I have fallen from grace and ended up in an ironic hell.”

“Hey, what’s with all the animosity? Like, you literally waltzed into my apartment, punched me, slapped me, and demanded that I save the world. What gives you the right? And how come it’s okay for you to like, hit me and stuff and still be considered good?”

“Okay, points in order: You watch alt right propaganda and conspiracy videos constantly. Second, I have literally every right, as I’m an angel. Which, mister Greek Orthodox, should be something you should defer to on principle. And third, did I mention the alt right part? Also the offering ice to minors part? You’re just lucky you’re getting any chances to do good work.”

Eleos stood slackjawed. Normally, when he expressed his indignant (read: impotent) anger on the internet, he got instant validation. Even Arez would indulge his frustrations from time to time. Well, it was less indulgence and more acceptance that it was hard to physically remove Eleos from Arez’s bedroom when he was in the middle of a rambling speech. This was the first time in a while that anyone other than Kevin, the family psychologist, had actually succinctly dismantled his petulance.

“Eleos, listen. I don’t like you, and I’m not here to be your friend. But if you want to keep living, and protect the people you care about alive, I would highly recommend listening to me. Due to some quirk of your personality, powers, or some fundamental aspect of who you are, you are destined to save the world, with help from three others. So please. Stop being high, stop making sexist jokes, and get serious, if for at least the next half an hour while we meet some important people.”

Eleos looked deep into Cassandra’s eyes, and saw how tired they looked. For the first time he realised that maybe other people in the world kinda had it tough sometimes too, and that an angel probably lives a long time and has a lot of tough things they have to do. A question formed on the tip of his tongue but he silenced it, saving it for later.

“Got it.” he said, a little ashamed, partially at the lackadaisical way he had approached this so far, as well as partially ashamed that he had been chided as one would lecture a child.

Cassandra looked at him for a long second, then turned. “This way. We’re meeting the others in the library.”

Eleos watched as the walked, then started forward to try and keep pace with the angel. As he walked, he pulled out a locket that hung around his neck. He popped it hope, seeing the twinned pictures of Jesus and Arez inside. 

“Don’t worry, I never truly doubted my faith to you two,” he said, kissing each picture reverently.


End file.
